Percy Jackson Rant >:(

Warning: Spoilers.

RANT:
I hated the Percy Jackson movie. It didn't follow the book at all, most of the special effects were terrible, and they had the lightning thief as Luke Castellan. WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!?! There was no sexual tension between Annabeth and Percy (not like that, at least) until at least the third or fourth book. The epic claiming at the river? Gone, ignored. He never gets dragged into Tartarus by the shoes--he didn't even have the dream about Kronos or anything. There was this weird, random crap about having to go on a quest for the three pearls when he really just got them from a water nymph.

And they didn't even include the Oracle!!!! *brain explodes* Plus, they're planning on continuing the series. Like you could even do that when you took the first book and ripped it to shreds.

It was like a bad Fanfiction.

BULLETPOINTS:
Didn't Follow the Book

• Luke is NOT the lightning thief. EPIC. FREAKING. FAIL.
• It was all full of big doe-like eyes and lovey dovey bullshit from the first two seconds of AB and Percy being in each other's sight. WHAT THE HELL?? I love AB. She was like my idol when I read the books. She was extra sarcastic and awesome and kickass and--UGHHH. They ruined her; she's all...ewww. Ughhh.
• The awesome claimage at the riverside after he did his awesome healingness and awesome conquering? It was a no-show.
• Annabeth's flippant remark: "Like I said, I'm always prepared." TOTALLY NOT IN THERE. Instead, she was on the other team and was all GRAWR and poisonous.
• And then she randomly, out of nowhere, invited herself into his "quest," WHICH DIDN'T INCLUDE THE GODDAMN ORACLE AT ALL, when so far all she'd done was be mean to him. What. The hell.
• "Maia!" = nope. Instead, he has to take a running start. Plus, the flying shoes never spaz out on him (or rather, Grover) and almost drag him feet-first into Tartarus. Noooo, Luke just lamely cuts off the wings. Fail.
• Also, Percy never has any of his dreams about the icy, cutting voice or anything. There's no Clarisse, no Ares, no nothing. Oh my god.
• Practically the whole movie was this super retarded adventure thing to go find the three pearls so that they could escape the Underworld. In the book, it took Percy like five seconds to get the stupid things from a sea nymph that was all like, "Hi. Here's some pearls. I'm not gonna tell you what they do, but crush them when you're freaking out. :) Kbye." Which was good. Because the pearls weren't that big a deal.
• Instead, Luke gave him a FRICKING MAGIC MAP that showed him where to go. So Grover drove this broken-down old pickup truck at what seemed like the speed of light (he went from NY to California in less than a day. Way to go.) and it was all very pleasant with random battles for excitement.
• Lotus Casino = weird hot chicks giving them flowers, which dulled their senses and kept them there. Also, gotta love how they kept unneeded and pointless crap like the 70's guy (even got the year right, I think!) but they basically redid the entire movie (again: it was like a bad fanfiction).
• Major naughty tentacles goin' on with Medusa. That was so not how it went, either. And whatever happened to the bus explosion and their bags blowing up and all the drama of the journey? It was seriously just like "Lalala, driving down the road..." Oh, and Grover and Percy drove. Cuz they're supposedly 17 in the movie. Which means he graduates during the series. *headdesk*
• ...Persephone was creeping on Grover. It was so scary.
• Hades was a weirdo.
• THEY TOTALLY RUINED THE WHOLE STUPID BOOK IN THE FIRST FEW MINUTES. OH MY GOD. *dies* After the first five mins, I knew it was gonna fail...my soul died... :(

Special Effects Were Terrible

• When Percy was using the flying shoes, it looked so incredibly fake.
• When Mom was getting caught by the minotaur (which didn't look like a minotaur at ALL, by the way. There are pictures of them, Mister Director Dude.), it looked SOOOOO incredibly fake. Like, I've seen reeeeeeeally old shows with better special effects than that. No exaggeration, no joke. Not even kidding.
• Hades was a fail in general, but his flame form (stolen from a Disney movie, mostly) was really badly done. Heh, just remembered reading a newspaper article this morning, and Toy Story has far more epic digitalization than this movie.
• ...I can't even write about it anymore.

But Logan Lerman's hot. And there were some funny parts that weren't in the movie. And...yeah, that's pretty much all that was good about it.

If you couldn't tell, I'm seriously pissed. They just ruined the whole damn series. And now everyone who saw the movie first will complain about the damn books because the damn books aren't like the damn movie, when the movie was just an epic failure and the books are SO GOOD.

...I love my friends, though, and I had a really really really great day today. (: The movie just sucked.

/ | \ -- |
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-Emilee

QUOOOOOTES.

- "...You drool when you sleep." -Annabeth. In the book. In the movie? HELL NO. BECAUSE IT FAILS.

- "No, no, no. Don't listen to me. That's bad." -Mitchell. xDD Ahhhh, Mitchell...forgot how hilarious he was...

- "I'm a pillow." -Aylin. ...

- "...Genesis?" -Miliano, Genesis's little brother. "Yeah?" -Genesis. "I don't get Aylin." -Miliano. "Me neither, Miliano. Me neither. I don't think anyone does." -Me.

- "...Seaweed Brain..." -Annabeth. But did I ever hear it during the movie? NO. NOT ONE DAMN TIME. *steams*

- "rohai absolutely LOVED the lightning thief!" -Rae's mom. "WHAT? WHY? HOW? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?" -Me. "I was kidding. She said it was full of fail." "Oh my god, I thought you were serious and I almost had a heart attack..." It's true. xD